saying good-bye to a dream

I was at our “sister” office today here in California.  I love it there – they are right on the Pacific Ocean.  I was in meetings all day so I went down yesterday and spent the evening at the beach.  It’s on a Navy base so there were very few people and I had no trouble finding a spot where I could be on my own.

It’s beautiful there – mountains and water.  Who could really ask for more — especially when a mist shrouds the top of the mountains…


This little boat looked to be abandoned and it made me wonder how it got there – this part of the beach is off limits.  The water here is full of rip-tides and strong currents, so if someone brought the boat in – how did they leave?  Or did the waves bring it in


The waves pounded the shore – I love the roar, and the mist that settles on your face.


And while I gave up my dinner (willingly) to fill my senses with the ocean, these guys went fishing (and no, they didn’t seem to want to share)…


And so it was that I spent awhile on the beach.  The waves taking away all my tension, enjoying the cool air and the salt mist on my skin.  And as I sat there I realized that I was saying goodbye to a dream.  I returned to work with the idea that I would buy a small place on the ocean.  I’ve lived on islands for 10 years and being near the Pacific is really the only time I feel complete.  I know that I’m in the final stages of purchasing a very land-locked property, and I think it is the sensible thing to do.  And perhaps one day I’ll have a place on the ocean, or live on a boat.  But somehow I feel that I am saying goodbye to a dream, and a piece of my soul is dying..

This old song, Cool Change by the Little River Band, captures the spirit of the Ocean for me…

Looking back

Today is an anniversary day for me.  It was one year ago today that I officially joined the ranks of a very lucky group of people – retired folks!  I’m up early with a very full day ahead of me.  The sky is overcast, the weather is cool.  There is a soft breeze blowing, bringing the sweet smells of the early day into my home.  I look out my window and, as always, am totally amazed at the beauty that surrounds me here.

And while today will be filled with the tasks necessary to start the next chapter of my life, this morning I’m looking back over this past year and thinking of all the wonderous events that have taken place and the path I’ve walked…

Moved into this wonderful home, painted it and put my things away

Enjoyed the wonderful company of my middle daughter and her two delightful children for nearly two months (even tho that meant her hubby had to celebrate his birthday alone)

Watched my eldest daughter marry the love of her life, and rejoiced in the fact that my Mom conducted the ceramony

Enjoyed many visits with my loving parents

Got to spend a few hours with my sister

Got to enjoy having coffee with my other sister on a fairly frequent basis.  It was wonderful getting to know her better!

Watched my youngest traverse her first year of college and glowed with her accomplishments

Made friends with my neighbor and learned new games

Poured over garden books, planned gardens on paper and then was able to plant a very ambitious garden.

Delighted as the first flowers, herbs and veggies poked their brave little leaves through the soil

Watched the deer coming into my yard dining on weeds and grasses

Was entertained by those graceless birds, wild turkeys, as they marched through my property, sometimes alone and other times with their young

Awoke to the songs of many birds

Enjoyed the lack of noise, the lack of trafic

Delighted in watching the bunnies play and eat the clover

Learned *mowing meditation*

Came to terms with the fact that there are many things I cannot do

Accepted that my property is too big for me to maintain

Enjoyed photographing the mid-west

Obtained my own URLs for this site and my photography one

And so much more.  As I prepare to move and re-enter the workforce I am grateful for this past year which allowed me to grow so much.

I look around and it will be with sadness when I say goodbye to this home, but I’m excited to travel the path that lies ahead.  And now it is time to enjoy my first cup of coffee for the day and get on with the business of closing this chapter of my life.

As the Grateful Dead sang, “What a long, strange trip it’s been”.  Amen to that!

Will the winds of change blow?

I’ve just finished reading The Girl with no Shadow by Joanne Harris, which is the followup to Chocolat.  I LOVED the movie Chocolat, so with this new book came out I just knew I had to read it.  However, into the first chapter I decided that I needed to read the novel before continuing because there were references in The Girl… from Chocolat which weren’t in the movie.

So, read it I did.  And then I read The Girl…  It’s a great book, but it took me awhile to read – because of all the chores that need tending to.  And now I’m left feeling strangely restless.  Which is exactly how I felt when I saw the movie Chocolat and read the book.  For some reason I really relate to the main character – Vianne Rocher.  No, I’m not a witch (am I?), but I am a traveler.  I often feel that I too must move when the wind calls.

I used to dream of flying.  Not in an airplane, but actual flying.  In these dreams I could fly and ride the wind, looking down on the earth below.  Never too high, just above the tree tops.  And sometimes, instead of soaring I found I would glide and land, glide and land.

And now, once again, I am restless.  Who knows, perhaps I’ll ride the wind again tonight in my dreams.